remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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