just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
