How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
