Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
