But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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