No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
