Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My liver just had a heart attack.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
