I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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