people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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