Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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