I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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