I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
