So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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