"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
