I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
