i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
