On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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