I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
