Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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