Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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