I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
