I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I cockslap morals
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
