Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
im holly from the hills drunk
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
