He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm really busy with my period
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