he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
