New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
