This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
