He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
