They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
