I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
