Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
