i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
