Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
