some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
