There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
