You smell like stripper and shame
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
No more Irish car bombs ever.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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