is your mom at the bar?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
