feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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