Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
