I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
