Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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