dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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