i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
