I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
