i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
