i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
