I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
