i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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