I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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