youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
