I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
