not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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