weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
