morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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