we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize