What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
