closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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