Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
