Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
