3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
