I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
