Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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