i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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