I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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