when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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