ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize