my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
