now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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