why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
