Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
