Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
