i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
