just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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