They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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