I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
